[Narrator]
 
You may find that you can communicate with your health care team, but don't know how to talk to your family and friends about your cancer. Maybe you haven't told them because you think it's best not to worry them. Or, maybe you're very worried about what their reaction might be. Yet, cancer is a family problem, and you need the support of your loved ones and friends to get through the treatments and help you cope. Try the following exercises to help you talk to your loved ones and close friends. 

[Social Worker]

First, get out a pencil and paper and write down all of the reasons you think you should tell them about your cancer, and all of the reasons you think you should not tell them. Look at each reason and try to decide if it really is a good reason, or if you're just making excuses because you don't know how to tell them or are afraid of how they will react. Next, think of the three most important things about your illness that you want your family to know. Write them down, too. For example, you may want to say: "I have cancer, but I'm very hopeful about it being cured or controlled. I want you to be hopeful, too." Or, "It's my life, and I need to be the decision maker." Or, "I want to be able to ask for help when I need it." Once you have decided what exactly you want to communicate, it usually seems easier.

[Social Worker]

Other communication tips include using the word "cancer." Remember cancer is a disease like any other disease. Cancer can be cured, it can be controlled, and many people live for decades with cancer as a chronic illness. Set a specific time that you want to tell your family and friends. It might be helpful to tell one person in advance and ask them to help you tell the others. Address your emotions honestly. It's okay to say, "I'm scared but hopeful" or "I'm relieved to finally know what's wrong." Set the ground rules for your family's involvement. You might need to insist that they not call your doctor without your permission. Or, that you're quite confident in the surgeon you have selected and that you do not want to travel to a medical center in a distant place for a second opinion. Or, that they respect your privacy and not discuss your condition with people outside the family. You might want to tell them that you value their input, but that you'll need to make your own decisions about your treatment.

[Social Worker]

Dealing with acquaintances may be harder. Too often, news of someone's illness does become known publicly. And sometimes, the effects of cancer treatment can be hard to hide. Therefore, it might be useful to think about, and practice, a couple of responses to well-meaning, but perhaps nosy neighbors. You may find everyone wants to tell you a cancer story -- about someone they knew who had cancer and died from it, or who had a terrible time with the treatment, or who had your kind of cancer and did very well. With negative stories, you may need to be abrupt, and simply say something like, "As part of my treatment, my doctor has recommended that I only listen to positive stories." Depending on the situation, you may need to be a little short with that person and ask if he or she is trying to scare you. As you experience some of these situations, you will develop easier responses. You may want to write a few down and practice using them before they are needed.

[Narrator]

What's important to remember is that each person is different and each person's cancer is different. Cancer is not one disease, but many. There are over 100 different kinds of cancer. For example, there are numerous types of breast cancer, different kinds of leukemia, and so on. The experience of others with cancer should not be taken as an example of what will happen to you.

[Social Worker]

You may also want to talk to a Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi about your cancer. You may have questions about what meaning cancer has for your life. It is important to remember that some members of the clergy don't know very much about cancer as a disease, and that their responses may be similar to those of well-meaning friends. They may also tell you about others who died or suffered. Again, you should ask for what you need. You may need to communicate that you want to discuss religious or spiritual issues, not your disease or treatment.  

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