[Linda] 

On the other hand, family members can become overprotective, and some even have difficulty giving up the caretaker role. You may feel you're ready to return to work… that it would be helpful to feel productive again. Your spouse or partner may worry that it will be too much for you, or that you'll have a setback if you return to work or other activities too soon. If this creates a conflict, you may want to meet jointly with your doctor, oncology nurse, or physical therapist to discuss what level of activity might be optimal for you.

A final suggestion for avoiding barriers to communication—work at becoming better at asking for what you need. This applies to you, the survivor, as well as to family members who need to ask assertively for what they need. At times of serious illness and increased tension, many people put their own needs on hold and feel that it would be selfish to ask for something they personally want, or that it would be wrong to keep up with their own personal interests. After a while, this denial of personal needs can become the family norm, and resentment builds up. Do not assume that other family members know what you think, feel, or need. They are involved in the same situation and may not have taken your needs into account. Similarly, you may have overlooked their needs and concerns. Eventually, you and your family will return to normal, but it will be a "new normal." Living with a diagnosis and history of cancer does change some things, but not all change is bad.

In fact, managing a serious medical condition over an extended period of time frequently leads to a higher level of functioning for the entire family. Families often draw closer together and can handle minor problems and stresses more easily. They may be able to communicate with each other more directly. They may get to know one another better and be able to recognize and acknowledge one another's strengths and weaknesses and provide support as needed.

Good family communication skills can be learned, but you may need to get some specific training for dealing with cancer-related communication issues. If your family doesn't have the communication skills it needs, help is available. Talk with someone from your healthcare team, attend mutual support groups or community programs specific to cancer-related problem-solving, or seek some individual or family counseling.

[Narrator] We've covered a lot of ground in this section. To learn more about communication skills, listen to Program 1, "Communicating", in the Cancer Survival Toolbox. You can find more information on workplace discrimination in Program 5, "Negotiating," in the Toolbox. "Living Beyond Cancer" continues on Disc 2.

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