[Narrator]
 
Let's hear from Katie, who is 7 months pregnant and raising 5-year- old twins, David and Anthony, and an 8-year-old daughter, Jessica. Katie's husband, Tony, travels for his job and has been in Japan for the past two weeks. One of the twins, Anthony, has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and will need immediate surgery at a university hospital 90 miles from the family's home.

[Katie]

When the doctor told me that little Anthony needed surgery right away, I just started to cry. It was too much to take in. How was I going to take care of Jessica and David, get Anthony to the university hospital, get in touch with Tony and tell him one of our babies has cancer … I felt so overwhelmed. The doctor sat down with me and handed me a box of tissues from her desk. When I had calmed down a bit, she said she would make a phone call and arrange for the oncology social worker at the university hospital to meet with me and help me plan for Anthony's admission. She held my hands in hers and asked me to look at her. I guess she wanted to be sure I was listening to what she was going to say next. "Katie," she said, "I want to be sure you understand this. I am very hopeful that most of the tumor can be removed with surgery. What is left can be treated with radiation therapy. I want you to be hopeful, too. It is important that we take care of Anthony, but it is also important that you take care of yourself. There are many people here to help you. We want to help you. Just tell us what you need." I will always be grateful for what she told me, and the way she said it. It made me feel like I could go on, that I could get through this crisis. I felt like I was not alone in this.

[Katie]

Before I left the doctor's office, I talked on the phone with the oncology social worker. Together we made a list of things I needed to do. There was a column for things that needed to be done right away and another column for things that could wait. When I got home, I called Tony in Japan, and he made arrangements to come home right away. He told me to call his mother to come and stay with David and Jessica until he got home.

[Katie]

Our faith is an important part of our family's life. I called my pastor and told him what was happening. He came to the house right away and he helped me talk to Jessica, David, and Anthony about what was happening. Then we all prayed together for God to take care of our family. Father John said that families from the parish would bring meals to the house for the next couple of weeks and would drive Jessica and David to school. He asked if I wanted someone to go with me to the university hospital so that I wouldn't be alone. I felt so much love and support from everyone - Anthony's doctor, Tony for dropping everything and coming home, Father John, and the people in my parish. Making the list with the social worker and then taking action right away made me feel like I was in control again. I was moving forward - doing what had to be done. And I was not alone. All I had to do was ask for help and there were people ready and willing to help me.

[Katie]

When Tony's mother came to the house, she gave me a big, long hug. Then she sat me down and made me eat something. She reminded me that I had to eat for myself and for the baby and that it was important that I ask for help. She told me that just because I was Anthony's mother, I didn't have to do everything for him myself. After I finished eating, she made me take a nap. The children all lay down on the bed with me and their grandma read us all a story until I fell asleep. I didn't realize how exhausted I was.

[Narrator]

When one child in a family is diagnosed with cancer, it can easily become overwhelming for the parents to deal with everyone's needs. It is important to ask for help from family and friends. Asking for help is a form of advocacy. It is a sign of strength to ask for what you need to help you and your loved ones deal with cancer in the family. Family and friends can help you to strike a healthy balance between caring for the child who is ill and preserving as much of a normal family life as possible under the circumstances. Members of your place of worship can also help you and your family to deal with the daily demands of caring for a child with cancer.

[Narrator]

If you need help in advocating for the needs of a loved one or if you just want to learn more about advocacy, you can contact the National Family Caregivers Association which is in Kensington, Maryland or the National Patient Advocacy Foundation in Washington, D.C. Their number is in the reference booklet that accompanies this tape.

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